Fortunately every-one we have told so far has been lovely. My parents are very excited - this will be their first grandchild. I wish I could have told them face to face but I guess that happens when you're living 2000km apart. Spidermonkey's parents were thrilled - I thought they might have been a bit over it all considering this will be their sixth grandchild! SM's mum has already brought me some maternity clothes for when I start to need them.
The few friends from the theatre we have told have been wonderful. Tyd is more excited than we are I think, and has been more than happy to spend hours talking about Trogdor related issues. Everything from the importance of folate to the effectiveness of nipple stimulation to establish labour.
But then I have also found I get a variation of this comment quite often:
"Of course it's lovely for you but it's not something that I could do just yet. I'm too busy/starting my career/with out a partner/allergic to small children. Even though my friends/sisters/cousins/neighbours/mum all had kids by my age"
And they look at me. There's generally a pause. Then I say 'fair enough' - which is clearly not what they were hoping for.
I listen to whatever they want to say and I try to be empathetic because primarily, I think, they just want to be heard by some-one who has faced the same sort of questions they are grappling with and come out with some sort of answer.
But really, what can I say? They don't want a child, they may or may not ever want a child and they don't have a child. Whoopie. I know 'count your blessings' is cliched but of all the possible scenarios arising from wanting/not wanting a child and having/not having a child it's one of the better outcomes.
And I know - societal expectation, family pressure, biological clock etc etc but whatever you choose some-one out there is going to have an opinion on why you've done exactly the wrong thing. And whatever you chose you're always going to wonder if you've done the right thing. It's life and to quote the great American philosopher Denis Leary "Life sucks, get a fucking helmet."
I don't say this.
Honestly, simply because I have chosen to fall pregnant doesn't mean I know the answers. Maybe I should. But carrying a child - like the start of any relationship - is a leap of faith.
At other times I feel people are being defensive about their own choices - as though I am some how attacking them by taking a different route. I ran into this attitude a lot when I became engaged. (The best comment was 'why would you want to cook and clean for some-one for the rest of your life?' My response - 'well, why would you?')
So I have devised a disclaimer. I may have cards made up. Or not.
I listen to whatever they want to say and I try to be empathetic because primarily, I think, they just want to be heard by some-one who has faced the same sort of questions they are grappling with and come out with some sort of answer.
But really, what can I say? They don't want a child, they may or may not ever want a child and they don't have a child. Whoopie. I know 'count your blessings' is cliched but of all the possible scenarios arising from wanting/not wanting a child and having/not having a child it's one of the better outcomes.
And I know - societal expectation, family pressure, biological clock etc etc but whatever you choose some-one out there is going to have an opinion on why you've done exactly the wrong thing. And whatever you chose you're always going to wonder if you've done the right thing. It's life and to quote the great American philosopher Denis Leary "Life sucks, get a fucking helmet."
I don't say this.
Honestly, simply because I have chosen to fall pregnant doesn't mean I know the answers. Maybe I should. But carrying a child - like the start of any relationship - is a leap of faith.
At other times I feel people are being defensive about their own choices - as though I am some how attacking them by taking a different route. I ran into this attitude a lot when I became engaged. (The best comment was 'why would you want to cook and clean for some-one for the rest of your life?' My response - 'well, why would you?')
So I have devised a disclaimer. I may have cards made up. Or not.
I am pregnant.
My husband and I are happy to be pregnant. I hope you are happy that we are happy.
I am not saying every-one should have a child. I am not saying you should want to have a child. I am not saying every-one should aim to have their first child at the same age as I have mine. The ultimate number of children we end up with may not be ideal for any-one else. None of the choices we have made may be right for you. (Or us - let's face it.)
I do not assume that you would some how be happier if you were like me as I am sure you don't assume I would be happier being like you. Every one has their hands full being themselves.
I have faith. I have hope. I really don't have any answers.
Sorry.
My husband and I are happy to be pregnant. I hope you are happy that we are happy.
I am not saying every-one should have a child. I am not saying you should want to have a child. I am not saying every-one should aim to have their first child at the same age as I have mine. The ultimate number of children we end up with may not be ideal for any-one else. None of the choices we have made may be right for you. (Or us - let's face it.)
I do not assume that you would some how be happier if you were like me as I am sure you don't assume I would be happier being like you. Every one has their hands full being themselves.
I have faith. I have hope. I really don't have any answers.
Sorry.
*Expecting? Why are we still using euphemisms for 'pregnant'? I expect many things in my life. Travel - which means I'm adventurous. Love - which means I'm romantic. Fame and fortune - which means hope springs eternal. In this particular instance I am expecting a baby. That means I'm pregnant.
2 comments:
More excited, MORE EXCITED???!!!! Whatever gave you that idea, Mum? :P I think my head and heart nearly exploded with happiness for you two. Nice disclaimer - I think it's brilliant. On the weekend my grandfather handed me a piece of paper in which he'd worked out the exact date (and time) that we can conceive so that the future-partner-of-trogdor would have a due date of my grandfather's birthday next year (which is also Hubby's birthday) - I thought it was cute, most people would think it undue pressure.
Spidermonkey's mum was hoping for an August baby to keep all the b'days nicely spread through out the year :-)
It's really great having people being excited. Wait till I tell the kids at class. Crazy-ness.
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