Secrets

Week 15 + 1.
There's a lot they don't tell you about being pregnant.

• They don't tell you that subtly, with no conscious effort or decision making on your part, the world starts to separate into two distinct groups - 'those who will support you and your child' and 'expendable'. This rule is universally applied by your brain and extends to friends, family and lovers alike. And you don't feel any guilt or regret for thinking this way. And any-one who might think that's a cruel way to view the world either a) has no children or b) doesn't really love their children.
• They don't tell you that on a bad day an 'expendable' can be downgraded to a 'potential source of protein'.
• They don't tell you begin to suspect that if push really came to shove, despite every-thing that you've ever believed about your own capabilities for self sacrifice, you might well come to see yourself as expendable.
• They don't tell you how condescending people can become when they give you their huge list of what you must/must never do while pregnant. Any powers of intelligence or common sense that you might once have been attributed with are suddenly wiped from every-ones score boards. The desire to shout "Fuck off, I'm having an infant not becoming one" can be over whelming.
• They don't tell you that you find yourself looking at the list of everything that is strictly verboten during pregnancy and then at pictures of an entirely normal looking Frances Bean Cobain and thinking 'how did she get away with that?'