What to expect when you're 20 weeks pregnant

• Your belly should now protrude quite nicely, as the uterus rises to the level of your belly button. Actually, my uterus rises beyond the level of my belly button according to the mid-wife I saw yesterday. Apparently I have a low belly button. I knew I was special.
• From about this point on you have only 20 more weeks or so until delivery! Yes genius, I know. That's why they call it 'half way'.
• As your abdomen grows each week, you will find you become stiffer, larger and frequently shift your posture and balance to remain comfortable. To be honest I've been experiencing this since puberty.
• You have entered one of the best periods as you do not face the difficulties of either stages of the pregnancy and are quite comfortable with your pregnancy status by now. 'Either stages of the pregnancy'? There's only two stages now? When did that happen? Surely they mean something like 'either of the other stages'? And 'Comfortable with your pregnancy status'? Right. On one hand I would like to think I've always been comfortable with my 'pregnancy status'. It's not like I was an hysterical mess for the first 13 weeks. On the other hand, in 20 weeks I will be given total responsibility for a baby boy. I don't know anything about boys. Or babies. This kid is screwed. So no, I wouldn't say I was completely comfortable.
• You can start creating a birth plan giving details about your preferences for the birth of the baby. I want a Star Trek transporter so they can beam the baby out. Can we do that?
• The baby is big enough for you to feel the fluttering or quickening movements on a regular basis by now. Yup. And I love that it's called the 'quickening'. There can be only one! People told me that the baby's first movement would feel like bubbles, or like a butterfly fluttering against my abdomen. It actually felt more like a tiny foot in the guts.
• The normal changes which occur during this period are:
• frequent urination - no
• constipation - no
• indigestion - no
• heartburn - oh yes

• However these symptoms are pretty mild now and become more profound later as the pregnancy advances. Cheery little bastard aren't you?
• You are in a better frame of mind by this stage and feeling fit physically as well as mentally. Bite me.